Archive for March, 2010

Technical Support

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from BoyFriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under BoyFriend 5.0. Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and PersonalAttention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as  NEWS 5.0,   MONEY 3.0  and CRICKET 4.1 no longer runs, and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Last year I upgraded from

In addition,

Conversation 8.0

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________  _________

Reply

Dear Madam, 

First, keep in mind, BoyFriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.  You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend:   Cooking 3.0 and HotLooks 7.7

Good Luck Madam!

PS: Has all the prejudices of the modern day man and woman but good reading. Men are surely from Mars and Women from Venus. So who is on Earth…. alians 🙂

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How Do You Decide Who to Marry (Written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.     – Alan, age  10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later  who you’re stuck with.       – Kristen, age  10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET  MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.        – Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get  married.       – Freddie, age 6 (Very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE  MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.     – Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don’t want any more kids.       – Lori, age  8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have  something to say if you listen long enough.        – Lynnette, age 8 (Isn’t she a treasure)   

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. – Martin, age 10  (Who said boys do not have brains)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.    -Craig, age  9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS  SOMEONE?

(1) When they’re rich.        – Pam, age 7  (I could not have said it better myself)

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.     –  Curt, age 7  (Good Point)     –  Howard, age 8  (Who made the rule) (Bless you  child)

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.

IS  IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them..       – Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF  PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be  lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?     –  Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite  is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE  WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.      – Ricky, age  10   (The boy already understands)

Six Principles of Life on Money

1. No point using limited life to chase unlimited money.

2. No point earning so much money you cannot live to spend it.

3. Money is not yours until you spend it.

4.When you are young, you use your health to chase your wealth; when you are old, you use your wealth to buy back you health. The difference is that it is too late.

5. How happy a man is, is not how much he has but how little he needs.

6. No point working so hard to provide for the people you have no time to spend with.